


me, myself, and my own dying heart

by sweetmuses



Category: Super Sentai Series, 宇宙戦隊キュウレンジャー | Uchu Sentai Kyuranger
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gallows Humor, Gen, a lot of feels okay, all of the others are mentioned or have cameos, sans kotaro for reasons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-10 04:37:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12291414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetmuses/pseuds/sweetmuses
Summary: The hospital was a buzzing place of insanity and death. Raptor’s sure that she’ll die any moment in here. Might as well make the moment last.





	me, myself, and my own dying heart

**Author's Note:**

> So this came to me while I was thinking about Kyus in a hospital setting and then I read a fic and my mind starting work. It's not TFIOS, but it's something to get your heart turning. Sorry if it's messy, but inspiration struck me! Anyway, enjoy feels, friendship, dark humor, and love! 
> 
> And the new format since I got a little lazy.

_If only my heart could’ve actually worked…_

 

Raptor was writing in her journal again. Her dark eyes were skimming over the silly story that she wrote and turned to a new page. It was rather childish to write about herself in fictional stories, but it was really the only thing that kept her sane for last few years she was in the hospital. Minami Memorial Hospital was her second home after all for the last five years.

 

They called it a miracle that she actually managed to pull through this long. Her heart got bad when she hit 20 years old, which made all of them hover over her like she was some kid that was about to crash in a corner of a table. She hated that they said that they “had to” for the first couple of years, but now it’s a sentiment for the amount of time she has life.

 

_Oh death, when will it be the day that you come for me and my broken, sick heart?_

 

Raptor chuckled at herself at the thought. She sounded like one of those philosophers who wrote about death constantly. Or maybe more like one of those stereotypical emo teens on Tumblr. Anyway, it was a dark, but funny thought to her.

 

“Can I come in?” a voice came through her room.

 

“My door’s always open,” she said sarcastically. Raptor’s main mood is usually cynicism or being bored for the past year, which was a good way to get unnecessary attention out of her hospital room in five seconds flat. But if it was supposed to be someone important, being insufferable wasn’t really a good choice to follow at this point.

 

“You know I was kidding right?” The voice came in and she saw that it was the new doctor that everyone was talking about. Optimistic, always willing to help people, and very cute. The last part wasn’t really that necessary to relate to him, but it was a nice thought to keep anyway.

 

“Oh I know,” he said as he was already on the side of her bed, which spooked her. “But they weren’t kidding when they said that you were miracle.”

 

“So we’re already getting into it, Dr…” She was struggling to read the name since she had to forgot to put on her glasses today, but he simply grabbed his coat and read it for her.

 

“Orion. Just call me Lucky.”

 

“Huh,” she simply said as she wrote down the name in her notebook.

 

“So Raptor Ronpo right? They said that you’re currently 25 and still going strong with that heart of yours, which is already a wonder on its own,” he brightly noted as he sat down.

 

“Yeah, anything wrong with that?” she quipped back at him. Lucky gave a simple smirk as he read her current charts. He wasn’t going to see anything special, besides the erratic heartbeat. Really she was normal, but...sicker. And a little bit more delusional.

 

“Not really. Just you’re an interesting case.”

 

“Doesn’t that always happen though?”

 

“Well, unless we’re all in a medical drama, not really. I mean, I’m supposed to be doing trauma business downstairs, but the board decided to assign me to you.”

 

“I thought they had enough doctors to not have to do this?” Raptor may be an imaginative woman who generally focused on when she was going to die or not, but she was in no way dumb. Raptor was able to keep up on hospital news whenever she can, whether when a nurse was taking her on her regular walks or just simply eavesdropping whenever she could. Being in a hospital obviously wasn’t fun, but there was some ups to it.

 

“They were supposed to, but the whole new hospital thing got Minami Memorial all worked up. Then things got worse,” he said glumly. Some of the nurses said he wasn’t like this, but from she heard; Lucky tended to shed his optimistic personality for something a bit more serious. Raptor could understand it from the amount of conversations she heard over the past few months, but she didn’t think it could be this quick.

 

“So there was a huge employee drought and I’m stuck with you. Great,” she said with an acid that wasn’t meant to come out. Luckily, he didn’t leave right on sight, unlike some of the other nurses of the last few times.

 

“To put it cynically, yes. But hey, if it’s able to get me to help more people, I’ll take what I can get. So back to the original subject,” Lucky said as he flipped through her file. “When did you-”

 

“Find out? 20th birthday, simple affair at home, collapsed. You know the rest.”

 

“Excuse me, the rest?”

 

“Got into the hospital, attached me to a bunch of tubes, stayed here for five years, and now I only have my family and my journal to keep me sane.”

 

“Ah,” he sighed. “Well nothing we can’t fix as soon as your name gets moved up,” Lucky managed to put in with an optimistic smile.

 

“That’s the problem, when? I’ve been sitting here for the last five years wondering when my heart’s gonna come and all of them said that it will.”

 

“I wouldn’t lose hope that easily,” Lucky tried to console, with the same goofy smile he had on his face. She simply sighed and picked up her notebook.

 

_I’m tired of waiting. Kill me now or I can just end up like Eris._

 

“Don’t you have other doctor things to do?” It was the simple remark of wanting to be alone. Raptor usually got lonely and regretted it later, but she wanted to bask in the moment of being alone in her bed, with only her thoughts and cold emotions filling up the room.

 

“I do, but I’m not giving up that easily,” he replied as he scooted closer to her bed. “So I’m gonna ask one thing, what’s up with the notebook?”

 

She tried to hide it as soon as he mentioned the notebook. Did Raptor really want to reveal something that personal to a guy she just met a few minutes ago? Lucky was a complete stranger, but he acted like he knew her better than she knew herself. Raptor should hate that, but there’s something about his adorably goofy smile that he put on and his sunny demeanor that overwhelmed the seriousness in the past couple of minutes that made her want to get to know him better too.

 

Still...too soon.

 

Not yet.

-

Cake was the initiative for today.

 

In fact, it was peach cake out of all things.

 

_Dad must be getting Spada to do this again._

 

Peach cake at home was for a little things, like getting a full 100 on a test or going through the flu and needing something to help cheer you up. Really, anything that was a small kind of happy or the big kind of sad.

 

Today was a mix of the small kind of happy and the big kind of sad since today was the 1,820th day that Raptor was in the hospital. How the hell her dad and Spada managed to keep track of that many days was still a mystery to her ever since they celebrated the 50th day she was in the hospital all those years ago…

 

“So do they always do this?” Lucky asked as he stared at the cake with wonder. He was in his usual blue scrubs as he hastily told her about a crowbar incident that got way too gory for her to handle. She was pretty close to vomiting over her notebook, which would be a very, very, very bad idea.

 

“Yeah, Dad and Spada always have a flair for the dramatic when it comes to the simple things like this. It’s been a full 15 years since they started the tradition and really, I was surprised when they still managed to do it after I managed to get my bad heart,” she said dryly as possible while she sliced a piece of the cake for Lucky.

 

It’s only been about a whole month since they both met, but there was this sense of familiarity between the both of them. However, she didn’t know much about him, but Raptor blamed herself for not revealing much about herself anyway. Besides his optimistic to serious personality changes and the fact that he really is cute in many ways, really she only knew six things about Lucky so far.

 

  1. All of the doctors and patients refer to him as Lucky instead of Orion or Doctor or anything like that. Says it keeps the atmosphere loose and as relaxed as possible.
  2. Lucky is _very_ lucky. There has literally been no patient that has died on him in the ER to this date. Many people chalk it up to the fact that he’s not a dumbass and does his job correctly and within the bounds of what they CAN do, but Raptor likes to believe that his luck is very true.
  3. ER physician and not a surgeon. Says it was too much pressure, too much brain power, and too much work for him to do.
  4. He has no family. Nothing too much to say about that.
  5. Lucky got inspired to be doctor after seeing that they helped his friend get better and wanted to do the same. Pretty cut and dry.
  6. He is in no relationship as of this date even though Garu has shown an increased interest in him. (Although it would be _very_ weird for them to get into a relationship since Lucky and Garu have different specialities and the fact that Lucky doesn’t show a huge interest in him.) Says that he wants to wait until he’s settled and ready. (Strange for a 25 year old to say that actually.)



 

And that’s all she’s got from a whole _month_ with him. Even her previous doctor wasn’t afraid to reveal all the details of his life (too willing to boot) within two weeks, tops. But hey, everyone’s different after all.

 

“So why did it start?” he confusedly spoke and he stuffed half of the cake in his face. _Another thing to note, he’s a talented eater._

 

“So you know that my mom died when I was 10 right?” Lucky just shook his head with a frown while frosting was in the corner of his mouth. Raptor snorted and simply handed a napkin to him. He gave a silly look at it while Raptor silently wiped it off for him.

 

“I actually didn’t know that. Nobody mentioned it.”

 

“Figures. For all my worth for being a miracle patient, they didn’t know the simple details of my life.”

 

“I wouldn’t put it that glumly,” he mumbled as he still managed to stuff more cake into his face.

 

“Yeah, and I wouldn’t eat the cake that fast. You’re only 25 and I don’t think anyone wants you to choke Mr. Luckiest Man Alive.”

 

“So they call me that?” _A joke or actual question? Something about his tone sounds serious, but something else says otherwise…_

 

“Yeah they call you that for a reason silly. You are really lucky to not have anyone die on you yet. Unlike the rest of us.” Her voice went quiet at the last statement. It was true however. You either died or everyone else decided to die for you instead. It was a unspoken truth in the hospital that everyone knew the moment you stepped in.

 

“You do realize I’m not a stranger to loss.”

 

“I know. But it’s just...I’ve lost a lot of people in my life. Mom died due to an aneurysm, which probably is the reason why I have a bad heart. My family’s somewhat distant from me due to this,” she said as she pointed to her chest. “And there has been many more. The worst of it was Eris.”

 

“Eris?”

 

“It’s nothing you need to know. Just, eat your cake and do your stuff.” Lucky gave a concerned look as an unbearable silence came upon the room. Raptor could tell that he was deeply concerned like all of the others, but he just silently squeezed her hand. People have done this before as well, but there was something so foreign about it.

  
Was it the warmth of it on her cold hand?

 

Was it the fact that it was actually genuine?

 

Was it the fact that her notebook was right at her side and she could chuck it at any time?

 

Raptor pulled away her hand and picked up her pencil. There weren’t any happily ever afters in her story just yet, but maybe she could change fate a little bit. Nothing wrong with pulling a few strings.

 

_Once upon a time, there was a girl stuck in a castle…_

-

_Two Years Ago_

 

Writing stories was supposed to keep her insanity and cabin fever in check. That and Eris, probably one of her only friends in the hospital. Not a fake friend who only checked up on her every few weeks or so, but an actual friend. She was boy obsessed to an absurd degree (to the point that she slapped one of the nurses named Balance for not being Spada), but she was honest enough to be her actual friend in the hell that was having a terrible heart.

 

“So ever think about the day you get out of here?” Raptor asked Eris suddenly as they were going on their daily walks again. It was a tradition for them that if any of them didn’t get a nurse to do it, they would do it for themselves until someone would pull them out. Usually it was the dick doctor named Tsurugi Ohtori, but luckily he didn’t show up today. Which meant no embarrassing check ups from him today.

 

“Not really. Although my hair’s gonna look fabulous for Spada once I get it back!” Eris beamed. Raptor sighed and gave an exasperated stare to the nurse’s station. Eris was her best friend, but god she was really obsessed with her brother out of all things. He wasn’t even that great anyway, having so many cooking analogies to fill seven kitchens and he wasn’t as hot as Eris had stated. But hey, if it gets you a friend that you could pour all of you teenage Tumblr angstiness to, so be it.

 

“Are you sure that chemo hasn’t rotted your brain yet?”

 

“I’m sure about that _Raptor_ ,” she faux-mocked. “But at least chemo gave me a better figure than what Echidna has.” Raptor smacked her as they passed Echidna’s room. Cracking dark jokes when you were sick was pretty normal since you had nothing to do except to sleep, eat, and do stuff in the hospital. It was another way to keep your insanity in check. Still…

 

“Dude, I agree that chemo gave you a great figure, but that was kind of a-”

 

“Bitchy move I know. But have you seen her? She’s been moaning about how she wants a normal life even though she’s already a cold shell. It’s already gotten annoying the last 17 times Echidna has said it.” She was moving too fast for Raptor to keep up. Raptor almost tripped over a piece of leftover wire as Eris stopped her.

 

“You sure that you’re okay?” Raptor mumbled. Eris’s face got dark, which made Raptor feel really shitty in that moment.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just that I just don’t want to be sick anymore,” Eris sighed as she tried to stand straight up with the tubing. They both stopped as Eris adjusted the tube that gave her air. The fact that the air changed from two friends walking to two friends who want to be better was simply shocking in a sense. Raptor felt bad for putting her in this spot, but there were some things that she had to call out.

 

“Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”

 

“I know,” Eris rasped a little. “But don’t you want to be better too?”

 

“I do,” she simply said.

 

“Then why can’t we get out? Why can’t we live normal lives like normal people. Why did we have to be the unlucky ones?” Eris shot as she froze and doubled over. Raptor panicked as Eris fell to the ground, her breathing becoming lax.

 

“Eris? Eris?! ERIS!” She was screaming as the doctors immediately took her away. Raptor was simply frozen in awe as Eris’s blonde wig fell to the ground as a bunch of doctors were running to where she was at. It only took a few minutes for someone to come up to her side as she was wheezing and sobbing.

 

She knew that Eris’s lung cancer was bad, but it never turned out this way.

 

“Are you okay?” Raptor identified it as Naga, who would never do this in any way unless someone was really concerned. Raptor’s short sobs caused him to tighten the hug as Balance came up to her side.

  
“Hey, Raptor?” Balance finally said while she shortened her sobs. Balance pulled her in the biggest hug he ever gave her as she was trying to figure out what was going on.

 

_Please tell me that she’s going to be okay._

-

A few hours later and she knew that they couldn’t do anything. It was one of the worst weeks of her life. Besides the nurses coming over and helping her with her food and shit, she just sat there and did nothing. Eris was one of her best friends, besides some of the other friends that she knew, but Eris was different. They were both the same and very different and they were able to work out their differences perfectly.

 

Taking her away was completely unfair. Raptor wanted to curse anyone up there that decided to take her away this soon. They said that she would be fine. Just a couple more rounds and she’ll be good to go.

 

Now she’s all alone, and now she wanted to throw everything out the window.

 

Including herself.

 

She could do it right now actually. Go up to the top, fall, and nobody would notice til right then and there. They would see her short bob all covered in blood and it would be soaked to the bottom of the concrete.

 

Raptor could do it.

 

But it would defeat the purpose of trying to get through this.

 

_Why did we have to be the unlucky ones?_

 

“I don’t know Eris. I don’t know.” She flung her journal over to the window and cried herself to sleep for the next three days.

 

From then there on, she wasn’t the carefree, bubbly Raptor anymore. She was the cynical, philosopher of death named Raptor.

 

No one would notice the change hopefully.

 

No one.

-

The first time she walked with Lucky was on a Wednesday. Also known as the 1,825th day she had been in here. The full five years. February 8th, 2017. It seemed so insignificant to all the other days of death, life, and the other dirty things she wasn’t allowed to say. But this was significant to her.

 

It was officially the first time that she walked with another person in over one and a half years now. For one of the oddest things that had happened in her life, Lucky managed to figure out that she took walks around the hospital before the Eris thing happen. He didn’t prod anything out of her and it wasn’t a huge crying affair like what she saw on TV. It was more of a confessional that you did at a Roman Catholic church.

 

Even if you did something wrong, the priest would still listen to you. They would make sure that you can still be redeemed in God’s eyes and that you can still see the light. Now that was more dramatic than anything on TV generally speaking. Just you and priest talking and hoping that no one cries.

 

Except this was between you and your doctor. Weird, pretty much. But it was way better than crying in the back of an alley where you’re surrounded by dead rats, maybe a guy that just got stabbed, and a stale piece of cake.

 

_God Raptor, get it together man._

 

Raptor was so focused on her thoughts that she almost tripped over someone’s oxygen canister, which was bound to get her cussed out big time. There were many things that you weren’t supposed to do unless you wanted to get killed faster in Minami Memorial. Tripping over the patient’s anything, accidental or not, could lead to getting pushed off the stairs “accidentally”.

 

“Hey, watch where ya going girly grrr!” Garu growled lowly to her. He was a _former_ ER doctor of Minami Memorial who had to be taken in for a pneumonia last summer, and it was one of the biggest losses of in the hospital. Garu wasn’t the brightest, but he was always willing to work overtime and was always willing to help. That got him into trouble and look where he was standing right now.

 

“Sorry Garu, but I would control your yelling if you don’t want your hair to gray prematurely,” she bit as Garu blushed. He was growing thinner by the day and his hair was still as raven as ever with some gray hairs here and there. Raptor may not have the best vision (blame Tsurugi for that), but she could see them from a mile away. It was one of those things you managed to notice after being here for so long.

 

“Whatever girly. Anyway, what’s up with you and Lucky,” he muttered as he went back to reading.

 

“Hey Garu!” Lucky chirped as Garu gave simple wave. Raptor was confused since Garu did have a very... _unique_ interest in Lucky, but one could give a guess that he gave up. Unlikely of him, but Raptor could always dream about it sometimes. Along with her other muddled dreams of death, her normal life, and her mom being alive.

 

They simply kept on walking when Raptor suddenly put this question on him.

 

“Who was your friend?” Surprisingly, he answered almost immediately. Usually one of the other doctors would grumble or ignore her, but Lucky was very different from them after all.

 

“Caesar. He was one of the only friends I made back in high school and we used to be close. Caesar got an infection in his legs and had to get one of them amputated so he could actually live.”

 

“What happened after that?” She would’ve ran into the wall if it wasn’t for Lucky stopping her to make the right turn. They simply snorted and Lucky kept on going.

 

“Caesar had to give up regular basketball for wheelchair basketball and he got a girlfriend right after the whole infection thing. I haven’t heard from him since I got into medical school, but I hope that he’s doing fine.”

 

“What happened between you guys?” Lucky gave a quick frown before saying;

 

“Long story short, he got distant and decided to go with this friend named Kukuruga and his girlfriend to some town in America and then never called me again. I think he’s doing something fine over there, but-”

 

“You think that he could be dead?”

 

“Kukuruga was a bad dude and eight years of not talking to each other leads to lots of other...things happening I guess.”

 

“And you’re talking to the girl who has delusions and has a bad heart.”

 

“Well that’s true,” he smirked while the both of them came up to the hall where her room is.

 

“You know, you could talk to him sometime. It’s not a difficult thing to not talk to him Lucky,” she consoled as they came up to her room door.

 

“Yeah, I know, but I’m fine where I am. And you should be too. Just, wait for it.”

 

“Wait for what?” Raptor looked confused as she went into her bed comfortably. She picked up her notebook as he came and sat by her side.

 

“Just wait for it. You don’t need to know when or how, but just wait for it. I have and all of them did too.” The sun was setting as the both of them were getting tired. Raptor was tired of waiting for so long, Lucky knows that. But he told her to wait anyway out of the blue for some odd reason. Just why?

 

“You know you have a new day tomorrow and I do too. I think you should get to going home now,” she said in the most gentlest tone she could muster. Lucky just threw up his hands and closed the door behind him as Raptor was trying to get to sleep.

 

The next three hours passed and she still couldn’t get her mind to rest.

 

She really hated herself for doing this now. She only had maybe five more pages in her notebook and she really needed to get to bed. But Raptor had to do something to get her mind to finally sleep. So she wrote. And wrote. And wrote.

 

Until she fainted two hours later.

 

_The girl was up the tower, almost ready to fall, but something stopped her._

-

“Is it just me or are you getting more radiant by the day?” Hammie gushed as they were eating in the hospital cafeteria. One of the ups of Minami Memorial was the fact that food was good and free for any of the patients. And the fact that it was clean and a good place to talk while no one judged you.

 

“Oh thank you dear Hammie, whose blindness doesn’t change the fact that she speaks the truth.” They both laughed as Hammie adjusted her sunglasses. Eye cancer may have taken her sight, but Hammie was still the greatest girl friend she knew. Not an Eris, but she was about as good as it gets.

 

“So what’s up with the heart business? Heard from the transplant team?”

 

“Not yet. Said it was taking awhile to get my name up, but I’ll probably die with my too full notebook before anything else happens.”

 

“And the new doctor?”

 

“Name’s Lucky Orion. He’s an ER physician, but the shortage of doctors caused him to be my regular doctor as well.”

 

“Ah,” was all that she could get out after spilling her water on her jacket. Raptor got to cleaning it up faster than Hammie could get up, but that was to be expected. Ah yes, normal people, but just lacking sight and being sicker.

 

“You know with the amount of time you guys been spending with each other, I thought you would be-”

 

“No! Oh god, please no. In fact, he doesn’t want a relationship I believe,” she said, a tad bit flustered at Hammie’s proposition, but otherwise relaxed.

 

“Well, you guys are just good friends then?”

 

“Yes,” Raptor murmured. “Like you and Stinger.”

 

“You know I’m not deaf right?” Hammie noddded. “And Stinger and I are different.”

 

“So you haven’t jumped each other’s bones?”

 

“Oh my god, Raptor Lauren Ronpo, seriously?” Hammie exasperatedly exclaimed, while the others noticed.

 

“Hey, if you can make jokes about my friendship with Lucky, then I can make jokes about your friendship with Stinger,” Raptor mocked.

 

“Is that how you really want to play it? I don’t even like him like “that” anymore.”

 

“So you admit that it was true.” Hammie simply coughed into her jacket while getting to throw away her tray. If Hammie would’ve had eyes, she would’ve employed her usual death glare until Raptor would’ve diverted the subject. But Hammie didn’t have eyes per say, and Raptor was extremely different from her old self.

 

Kind of reminds of you _the old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now_ line.

 

“Okay, ish. But he’s like 24 and still extremely uninterested in me. I’m like 19 now, so puts the thing into perspective.”

 

“See, it wasn’t that hard to-wait, he’s 24?” The moment felt like time stopped right there. Stinger was a stoic edgelord that was actually a huge dork if you’re talking about him really. He _sewed_ for a hobby and sang whenever he was bored, sometimes with a straight face. He didn’t look (and sometimes act) like he’s actually 24. All of them should be concerned, but weird things happened in Minami all the time, like sudden rock concerts, dance sequences, fish that was alive in the curry, or chases with kids over a cup of jello. Yes, it was THAT kind of weird.

 

“Yeah, what did you expect him to be?”

 

“Like 18 or something? I mean, you can’t look at his face and believe that he’s 24. Same goes for everyone else.”

 

“True…” Hammie trailed off as an announcement came on about some doctor needing to do somewhere. The both of them walked back together as someone was screaming in the bathroom about their erectile dysfunction while another person was coughing up cake from a sudden attack of tuberculosis coming up. The two of them just sighed and went back to their static lives of staying in the same room for the last couple of years.

 

It’s not like anybody was getting them out of here anytime soon. It wasn’t prison, but it felt as if they were chained to the beds. Quite literally if you’re really that crazy.

 

Difference was, you die here more than over there.

-

They came today.

 

Or at least he did.

 

Last time Spada and Raptor’s dad came to visit her was around two years ago. Sure they sent her cakes and letters and called her and stuff, but she hadn’t seen them in a while now. Part of her thinks that they gave her too much space since the Eris thing, but she felt that part of it was that they didn’t love her anymore.

 

It was a dark thought, but it was thought that had to show up at some point or another.

 

Spada came in first. His hair was shorter and lighter and he had those plaid pants on today. They made him look like he was in his mid-30’s instead of being 28. Raptor snorted as Spada gave some freshly made donuts for the cold day. Technically she wasn’t _supposed_ to have too many sweets in a month due to the heart situation, but the hospital staff would allow it since Raptor was a miracle child of sorts.

 

“So how are you doing?” he asked as she burned through the chocolate glazed donut.

 

“I’m doing alright. The transplant list is hell, but it’s been fine.” Spada didn’t have his hat on, which meant something was going on. She wasn’t as close to them as them before, but she could always tell when something was going on. So when Spada didn’t have his hat on, Raptor just _knew_ that something really fucked up happened.

 

“Spada, if you don’t tell me what the hell is going on in five seconds; I swear to God-”

 

“It’s Champ,” he interrupted. Spada’s gaze went down to the floor as Raptor got worried. As the foster sister of Spada David (actual last name unknown) Ronpo, she just knew that if he only said two words, things were bad. If it meant death, things got really messed up from there.

 

_Break it to me lightly. With a sour cherry on top._

 

“What about him?” Raptor asked as she shifted uncomfortably in her bed.

 

“You know that he got into that car accident right?”

 

“Yeah, I heard,” she glumly stated. Raptor heard from her dad that Champ got into an incident with some guy named Scorpio and had to be hospitalized for quite a while. He got a lot of attention, was put into a medically induced coma, got seven surgeries in the past three years, the works. Champ and her weren’t close due to the weird foster parent thing, but when she heard about it; her visual reaction was to literally throw any nurse that wouldn’t let her out of Minami.

 

“The doctors said that he has to be-”

 

“Amputated? Figures. The son of a bitch just had to crash into him head on.” The both of them just ate their donuts as Lucky came in at that inopportune time. Raptor really did not want to tell her regular doctor about the crestfallen atmosphere of today, but it was already too late. He was already halfway through the door before Raptor chucked her notebook at him. Very out of character for her to do so, but it got his attention.

 

Lucky simply grabbed a chair and a donut and sat quietly to what conversation they were having. Spada looked at the both of them with confusion, mouthed something along the lines of “You two?”, and then got a death glare that could be used to cure your eyesight. A few more minutes later and Lucky gave the notebook back after getting his third donut which made Spada yell;

 

“Mamma mia! How many more can you eat?” Lucky gave a sheepish four while Raptor just laughed. Spada always had a way of making her laugh, either intentional or unintentional. It was one of those foster/adoptive sister, best friend, wacko things that they manage to still keep close. It was almost like the last two years never existed.

 

Almost.

-

Her dad came in with style the next day.

 

There was the usual dad antics he did, gave dumplings to all of the staff, and almost made her trip on one of her walks with Lucky. Clearly, this was not something Raptor expected. Lucky just gave one of the biggest smiles she’d seen out of him (which was saying a lot) and nudged her to go talk to him.

 

Raptor just froze up as she started getting closer to her dad which she hadn’t seen in two years. Her mind was telling her to move but her body was telling her to completely abort the whole friggin’ thing. Raptor’s heart was racing beyond what it should do and she would’ve crashed if it wasn’t for Lucky managing to catch her in time.

 

“Sorry, but do you mind if we go into Raptor’s room instead of meeting out here Mr…”

 

“Ronpo. Shou Ronpo. Please just call me Shou,” her dad spoke with a pleasant tone. They quickly went into her room and she laid down carefully on her bed; her heart still racing to the point where she could possibly die right then and there. If this was back in 2013, Raptor would be wishing for death to already come. Now?

 

Not so much.

 

“So how have you been doing Raptor?” Shou said in a jubilant tone. He had on a simple gray sweater and black pants that reminded her of Spada quite a bit, just without the hat and maybe knife collection. (To this day, she still has no idea how many knives are in the collection. She only knew that it was enough to kill a person within 23 seconds and that she did not want to be on the other side of that.) Anyway, back to the thing where Raptor was off in her own world while Lucky was eating a huge dumpling Shou gave.

 

“Raptor?” Shou snapped his fingers and Raptor instantly went back to the reality that her gown was soaking and Lucky was already getting napkins.

 

“Sorry Dad. I’m-I’m f-fine really.” _Well shit Raptor, get yourself together before you say something that should not come out of you mouth._

 

“Oh really? Last time I heard, you chucked a book at Dr…”

 

“Orion,” Lucky finished for him as he gave the napkins to Raptor. “Please call me Lucky.”

 

“Really? I’ve never heard of any doctor that would do that.” Lucky just shrugged as Raptor was frantically using the napkins to try and soak up the remaining water.

 

“I’m a bit more different than the others I would say.”

 

“Wow. Now tell me, why are you wearing these things?” Shou asked, pointing to the light blue scrubs he was wearing. Raptor gave an awkward stare and tried to not shake her dad to death. _Seriously Dad?! We’re going to this?!_

 

“Hospital regulation. Nothing really.”

 

“But I thought that-”

 

“You know Dad, I’ve been craving some grilled cheese sandwiches lately. You mind if you can go get some?” Raptor tried to get his attention so she could bang her head against the wall. Shou gave a confused look while Lucky got the idea already.

 

“Sir the cafeteria’s this way,” Lucky said with a optimistic charm as he pointed to the left. “Their food is the best in town!”

 

“Oh-oh-okay. Um, with or without tomato soup?” he asked as he was leaving, almost disappointed.

 

“Your choice,” she nodded. As soon as he closed the door, Lucky gave her a confused frown as Raptor looked upset.

 

“You know, he doesn’t seem that bad honestly,” he tried to console.

 

“I know that,” she grumbled. “But it’s just weird seeing him here after ignoring me for the last couple of years sans the cakes.” Raptor sat up straighter as the static noise of hospital buzz kicked in. God, she hated this feeling of unrelenting...confusion. It came to her more frequently than not during times of mass frustration or worry, especially during the imagination dry spell.

 

“Can’t you just talk to him like you did Spada?” Lucky poorly hinted to her. She swore that she could hear the dripping disappointment in his tone. “You can’t keep going on like this for the next half hour or so.”

 

“But what if this ends up in a whole crappy thing where we don’t talk to each other until he gets the news that I “sadly” died in my sleep,” Raptor deadpanned.

 

“It still doesn’t give you the authority to go into silence mode with him. Just...try and talk to him okay. Just for 15 minutes. Then you can go back to your “thing”.” It should be annoying. It just should be. Without Lucky’s sheer optimism, it seemed much more bearable. Within the last two months of knowing him, Raptor’s changed a bit. She doesn’t know if it’s good or bad, but she has changed.

 

Lucky helped her out of her bed as she went to the cafeteria.

 

“15 minutes of grilled cheese and soup. Shouldn’t be too bad right?”

_-_

“So how was it?” Lucky asked. What turned into 15 minutes then turned into 20 then turned into 25 and so on. Visiting times had already closed by the time they stopped talking and luckily no tears have been shed yet.

 

“Fine I guess. Dad went home 10 minutes ago, but I think it went fine.”

 

“Oh come on Raptor, you can’t just say that and not give us anything else,” Hammie uttered as she gave a death glare through her sunglasses.

 

“I don’t know okay?!” Raptor exclaimed in a hushed tone (an oxymoron in it of itself). “It’s just that mixed la la land with reality as things went by and I got confused okay.”

 

“So your dad and you didn’t make up?”

 

“Of course we did Lucky. But it’s just too confusing now. I’ve been through a lot these past couple of months and I don’t know if I’m prepared for anything else,” Raptor explained as she settled in her bed as Lucky grew more worried at her. “Look at me, I’m Raptor Lauren Ronpo, the dumb girl who still can’t figure out anything.”

 

Lucky put his hand on her shoulder and gave her a slight nudge. Raptor wasn’t upset with anything really per say, but her mind was telling her that she is. She didn’t want to be upset. It was like a tumor was tricking her brain to do things, whether it was falling over small things or getting weird delusions at the weirdest times. She wasn’t sure of anything at this point, and she absolutely loathed it.  

 

“Don’t call yourself that you idiot,” he said with a convicted tone.

 

“Why?” Raptor wasn’t even close to tears yet, but that came out more childish than she expected.

 

“Look, I’m going to be straight with you,” he replied as Raptor sat up straighter. “You’re one of the most interesting people I know in this hospital. You’re smart and you’re not afraid to get quippy and you’re not afraid to be a kid. Your head is full of dreams and yet you’re this girl. The cynical dumb girl who thinks that dying is better than living.”

 

“Wow, harsh,” she sardonically stated. Lucky ignored her and kept on going.

 

“Raptor, I heard from everyone that you were so different back then. You were happy, free, and were willing to actually dream. Now you’re so scared of it. Why?” he nearly pleaded with her. She didn’t want this. This thing to happen again. She didn’t want something so close be so destroyed in some simple words as “I don’t know”. Raptor wanted to rebel against it, and this is the first step.

 

“It was a lot of things. My heart, Eris, my family, the doctors, Everything with a capital E. I felt so awkward even with everyone with me and I hated it. I changed. I changed before, why I can’t change now?”

 

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

 

“You made it like that.”

 

“Sorry.” She brushed her hair back and picked up her notebook. Raptor gave it to Lucky and looked at the bright night sky with lights peeking out from the shades.

 

“Wow, you wrote a lot.” He gave a low whistle as he quickly flipped through the pages.

 

“Figured. Another thing that changed with me,” she slightly scoffed. “I haven’t wrote in there in a while and it kind of sucked.”

 

“Now why is that?”

 

“Well I haven’t had time to get a new one and I didn’t want to ask anyone to get me one.”

 

“And you think that no one is gonna take you seriously.” Raptor gave a quick stare as Lucky sighed.

 

“Look, we’re doctors. We’re not going to ask you unnecessary questions and we will always try and do the best for you. You’re a actual person, and actual people dream and do work and do other stuff,” Lucky said as he squeezed her hand. “So it’s okay to change, but we can also be ourselves you know?”

 

Raptor gave a relieved sigh as she stood up from her bed and hugged Lucky, her heart absurdly full with joy. Maybe she didn’t completely change, but she wasn’t her old self. Maybe it was okay to be just Raptor.

 

Maybe it was going to be okay. She may not have the actual heart, but maybe things will be okay.

 

“Okay, speaking of which,” Lucky said in a strangled manner as he went to go get something from the other side. Raptor was confused for a second until she saw a black notebook and smiled with absolute glee. Lucky gave it to her as she hugged him another time, almost pulsing with sunshine. They let go as Raptor cleaned off the dust from the notebook.

 

“The staff said that this was meant to be given to you two years ago, but the whole Eris thing happened…”

 

“I don’t mind. As long as it’s here, that’s all good to me.” Raptor quickly flipped through the crisp white pages as Lucky went out of her room.

 

“Hey, where you going?”

 

“I’m gonna go home, eat, get some rest, and hopefully take a look at the transplant list. Nothing much.” He turned around smoothly and looked at her with amused eyes. “Hope you took the words into consideration.”

 

“I will. Just um-next time, could you not put me in that position again? I felt really weird you know?”

 

“I’ll try,” he said with a amused smile. He left and Raptor instantly started writing. She didn’t know what she was going to write per say, but she did knew that she was going to start writing. It was almost as if everything was going to be okay.

 

She wasn’t sure if she was going to die or not, but she just knew that it was going to be okay.

 

So she started writing.

 

_And she decided to leave the tower. For once she got a fresh smell of the air and sunshine. Her heart didn’t know what she was going to do, but she was going to run. And run. And run to where the sun meets the horizon._

 

_She didn’t know why, but she knew that she was going to do it._

 

**END**

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if the ending was rushed and that it was messy. It's my first time writing something really long like this and I hoped that you enjoyed it anyway. 
> 
> So chao! And you can always talk to me anytime.


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